Tuesday, 22 November 2016

I'll give prison visits a wide berth - from a prisoners daughter

I belong to the prisoners families club because my dad is in prison.
My mum isn't with him anymore because he wore her down by taking drugs and always getting in to trouble.
I do not like drug addicts and thank God I did not venture down the path my dad did. I am 20 years old and I have seen the family desruction that drugs cause. Everyone focuses on the addict and the families are left to pick up the pieces. 
I was dragged all around the country visiting my dad in prisons when I was younger and when I reached 15, I could not be bothered sitting in a prison visit room listening to the sorry's because I was fed up of hearing that word, sorry. 
My dad is a junkie and it is only these past 12 months that I stopped hating him and started pitying him because what a fecking life drug addicts have! 
When I was younger I questioned all the time why he chose drugs over me but it isn't that straight forward for an addict. Nothing is straight forward for an addict.
Let's go back to the prisoners families thing. I have read allsorts online. Some things I agree with, some things I question what kind of silver spoon do gooder has written that!
Prisoners families? Should prisoners families maintain contact with their loved ones when they are sent to prison? Yes and no. 
My dad has been a jailbird all his life and I spent my childhood queueing up in prisons. He was and still is in and out of prison like a yo-yo. Sorry but the journeys get tiring and I would rather be out shopping with friends and enjoying life than sat in HMP listening to my drug addict dad who cannot come clean with himself shifting the blame on others because he is a drug addict and drug addicts lie and manipulate. 
I was once a member of an online forum and someone said to me: Gosh I would hate you as a daughter. My reply was: Try having a dad addicted to smack who thinks the world owes him. 
I was told all the usual bull shit when I was little: Your dad is working away: Let's visit your dad at 'work' AKA HMP: I heard every excuse in the book made for him and the truth was out when I was old enough to put 2 and 2 together. 
My dad is in prison again and the only memories I have of him is me and him chatting in a prison visit room. There was no family holidays because he was in prison. I can remember just 1 XMAS when he was at home and he never attended any of my parents evenings at school or was there for me when I needed a dad. 
He once blamed my Mum for turning me against him when I became older and didn't visit him in prison. Why should I put myself out for a drug addict dad when he has never been a dad? 
I sympathise with the young people who have contributed to your blog and this is one of the most honest platforms for prisoners families. Glam it up all you like but repeat offenders do not deserve loyal family members by their side. They give absolutely nothing back and everything revolves around them and them only. Sorry, no. There comes a time when a lost cause is a lost cause and when my dad, or should I say, if my dad one day decides he wants to be a dad instead of mopping prison wings and skivving money off every family member he can manipulate then he knows where to find me. In the meantime, I'll give the prison visits a wide berth and concentrate on my studies.