Thursday, 19 January 2017

I ran from heroin - from Mich

I have decided to write in and basically give people some hope. I was with my partner for 12 years and he was in and out of prison. He had a drug problem and I was his enabler. I thought by giving him money I was helping him and he wouldn't steal or commit crime. It never worked and he always ended up in prison. I stayed in touch and visited him when I could and sent him money to make sure he was OK. He came out of prison and bought drugs more or less straight away. Three years ago I became pregnant and he said he would be done with drugs. I had faith he would stop but all throughout my pregnancy heroin came before me and our unborn. He promised and promised that when our baby was born he would get help and stop. He never did and when I gave birth I gave birth on my own because he was high somewhere at a friends house and then lied saying the taxi was late and had let him down. The lies used to roll off his tongue but I still believed him. A few weeks after the birth he went on methadone to try and quit but he was still using on top of his script. When our baby was a month old, I packed up and left and went to live with my Mum. I was heartbroken and stayed in touch with him only to be fed more lies about him stopping using drugs. I met him and still slept with him for the next 6 months. One morning I had to go to the doctors and on my way on the bus I saw him coming out of a house with a woman. The house was a known druggie house and the woman was a drug addict because I knew her. For me that was the end. 
I changed my phone number and stopped all contact. It killed me because there was nothing more I wanted than to be a happy family but I was lying to myself. 
Two years on I live alone with my son and I am happy. I have a little flat and I don't see my ex. The last I heard he was at rock bottom but he isn't my problem. It's his loss and after counselling I realised that I was ill too when I was his enabler. I neglected myself just to make his drug problem easier because I was giving him money.
I'm healthy now and my son is my world. I couldn't even image bringing him up around someone using that nasty stuff. I know it's a personal decision but for me the best thing I did was run away from not necessarily him, but heroin. It hurt me and hurt a lot but life is so much better away from the lies and the drama. Thanks for listening, Mich. xx