Sunday, 22 January 2017

My no contact prison rule - from Emm

Hi. I would like to present my experience.
My husband is a drug user and prison is his second home, although I and other family members say it's his first.
He is currently serving a prison sentence and I have gone 'no contact.' 
The reason why I have gone 'no contact' is because I have run out of steam! 
I completely disagree with the Governments idea of promoting the maintaining contact with a loved one in prison reduces re offending. I have been married to an offender/drug user for 25 years and it has never worked. I consider myself to be a strong willed person and have tried tough love and mollycoddling to no success. My husband is a drug addict and after years of banging my head against a brick wall; I have finally realised that I have no control whatsoever over his addiction. 
I laid out some boundaries the last time he was sent to prison and I have stood by them. 
He has been in prison for 9 weeks now and I have not contacted him or visited him. I have even changed my phone number. Part and parcel of why I have done this is because he is not mugging me around anymore and I have better things to do than visit prisons all the time which is what my 25 years of marraige consisted of. If he choses to live his experience this way then that is his choice. Not mine. 
He uses drugs in prison and I enabled him to use drugs because I gave in at every whim when he pestered me for money. The stories he would tell to get money from me were ridiculous but I always believed his blags. 
If the day ever materialises when he decides to do something about his addiction, I will lift my 'no contact' rule. If he wants to stop the drugs, I will be there for him and I will support him. If he wants to carry on using drugs both outside and in prison then he is on his own. People have said to me that his addiction might spiral if he is unable to contact me. It may well do but his addiction is not my problem and after 25 years don't you think that enough is enough for me? It's not all about the addict and the woe is me look I'm in prison help me story. I have given my all and for now, unless he decides to change HIS life, it's all about ME and my health and wellbeing for a change. 
Prison Widow, I have followed your stories especially in Inside Time and it is about time you were recognised for the work you do. Good luck with the awards and I pray you come out on top! Yours Sincerely Emm.