Keeping Mobile Phones Out Of Prison Is A Struggle - By Paul

Keeping mobile phones out of prisons has always been a problem for Englands jail warders.
A common method allegedly used by prisoners, is to stuff one up their backside during a visit.
Recently, by accident, an amazingly inventive method of hiding a mobile phone was found. A prisoner was admitted to hospital with groin pains and was found to have a mobile phone sewn into his scrotum.
The prisoner, admitting the charge, told police how he had to put a finger up his backside to dial; he pressed his right testicle to make a call and his left testicle to hang-up.
It was not without it's problems, he told police, every time he got an erection the pressure on the phone caused it to dial his mother's number.
To avoid it ringing at inopportune moments it was set to vibrate only. The prisoner said that whilst this worked well when he was in his cell alone, if it rang when he couldn't answer it the continued vibration gave him an orgasm. This had happened a number of times in the prison chapel, where old prisoners go on a Sunday to get off the wing and get a free cup of tea. The Chaplain responded to his shouts of 'Oh Yes, Oh yes' and 'Christ I'm coming' by giving him a new Bible and sending him on an Alpha course.