My Prison Relationship - By Llani

I have noticed that there has been a lot of talk and posts about the difficulties of having a relationship when someone is in prison. I will be very honest and say that I change my mind every week on whether I should stand by my partner. Maybe every week is a bit of an exaggeration, but it is frequent enough!
It is obvious that a prison relationship is different than the norm, because prison isn't the norm. Some weeks I have the strength to see it through and other weeks I don't even want to visit him. Some weeks I worry about him and others I just don't want to be reminded of where he is! Other people in this situation will probably get where I am coming from because it's a crazy mixture of emotions with some unhealthy ones thrown in too! It's as though one week I'm madly in love and the next I'm not! Unless you have friends in this situation, the friends you have who aren't, don't understand the full extent of what you go through. I'm not playing the 'woe is me' card, far from it, I'm just telling it has it is. A few of my friends tell me to move on. But before he was sent to prison, they thought he was the best thing since sliced bread and that we were made for each other. My parents thought the same. He was a blue eyed boy who looked after their little girl. Then he made one mistake ( first offence ever ) and now he's a no good for nothing ******!
It's alright when people encourage families to visit as often as they can to maintain these so called family ties. But they are missing something. Coming away from a prison visit is an empty feeling, a bit like the feeling you get when you've been to a funeral. And there are weeks when the pressure is too much and you just want to call it off! The maintaining ties thing is easy said than done. There are many issues in-between those prison visits that people don't see. When you hear and read prisoners families calling it a roller-coaster, it is 100% spot on.