Bolton Magistrates - By Prison Widow UK


Me and Leve had a suited and booted morning today at Bolton Magistrates Court. We went supporting someone who was up in court number 1. I didn't know whether to watch the proceedings or look at the graffiti strewn across the dumping ground, also known as the public gallery. A hat-tip to the cleaners though, they must have forgot to notify someone about the discreet penis drawing with CPS wrote in the middle of it. I was studying the piece of art work when I a heard a voice say - 'all rise.' Very fitting eh? I had to compose myself from pissing my sides because I didn't want the voluntary judge to think I was laughing at his silver toupee, and there was no way on earth I was going to grass the graffiti artist up. So I had to hold my breath and remain professional. Leve never clocked the penis drawing. He was in court room observation mode though. The defendant is a tall chap who was handcuffed to a Munchkin from Kansas. It did look rather comical, but  the British Justice System is on par with The Comedy Store anyway, so me and Leve didn't think much of it really. What bugged us was, how much of a shit-hole the public gallery is. We were frowned upon when we didn't rise for the judges - not because we were being arrogant or rude - it was because we were stuck to the fuc*ing seating with chewing gum. Pardon my French but if there is one thing I loathe, it's folk who look down their noses, and me and Leve was not made welcome in that court room. No one even brewed up for us! Can you believe it? Ah well, we are back there at the end of the month, so hopefully they will treat us with a bit more respect! Leve said he refuses to sit on the seating in the public gallery, so we are arranging for our own inflatable chairs to be brought in - yeah seriously - sorry but why should we sit on the floor? We aren't on trial so let the good times roll and the media write about it!