Hi Guys. I relate so much to the post titled Lifer's Wife.
My ex partner is a lifer and was convicted when we were both having a relationship on the out.
I was absolutely devastated too and the whole situation made me very ill.
I stood by him for three years and felt that I couldn't do it anymore.
I became an obsessive writer when he was sentenced and I too would spend every day and night writing letters and sending him cards. It cost me a fortune but I never begrudged it and at the time I enjoyed penning letters to him.
One morning I received a letter from him saying that two women had wrote to him. There was nothing I could do because if he chose to write back then that was his decision. Being his partner or not, I couldn't really deny him writing to others because when all said and done he was spending years in prison.
A few months down the line he wrote and told me that one of the women was going to visit him but told me that there was nothing in it and that they were just good friends. How would I know what their letter content consists of?
Anyway, letters from him started to dwindle and I became less interested in writing. I started a new job and began to have a social life again.
One morning again, I received a letter from him saying that he was finishing our relationship and that he had started a new relationship with his pen pal.
I wrote back and wished them both well then received a rant phone call from him asking me if I was seeing anyone else. I wasn't but I had got my social life back and wanted to move on. It was all a bit of mess and confusing because he was in prison for years and the prison he was in at the time was about 4 hours away from my home and I couldn't drive nor afford to pay for the journey on public transport. So in reality our relationship probably ended as soon as he was convicted. How could we in all honesty carry on a relationship just through letters and phone calls? I know some women do and I am not knocking that, but the meaning of a relationship for me is having someone with me, not 4 hours away locked behind bars.
I am seeing someone else now but I do drop my ex the odd letter or two.
We don't have children together so breaking away and moving on was a little easier. Looking back it was an awful time and the prison journey was tiring and stressful. I don't look down on prisoners and never will, it is just that I didn't want to be locked away serving a sentence with my partner. Both our lives changed when he committed the crime and when that happens there are consequences. Lots of love to you and your readers, Rosanne.