Dear Editor. I don't wish for my name to be published but would like to tell my story.
My husband received a life sentence 5 years ago and within the last 12 months I decided to move on from our marriage. It was a painful decision.
For 4 years I was a prisoner too on the outside because I lived my husbands life inside if that makes any sense.
I stopped having a social life because I felt guilty going out enjoying myself whilst he was in prison and I broke away from my friends because I just did not want to socialize. I was wrapped up in writing letters upon letters to my husband cooped up in my home every night alone with a bottle of wine.
I was in my own prison at home and one day I decided enough was enough.
I still love my husband and always will, but I have a life here on the outside and I have to live it.
Some lifer wife's are happy with their life and I respect that, but for me the situation was making me depressed and withdrawn. I was more worried about my husband than myself and my appearance suffered. There wasn't and still isn't anything I can do for him but to be his friend. I still drop him a line and a card every month so I haven't completely cut ties, but I don't visit him anymore. I know he has pen pals which is a good thing for him so I know at least he is corresponding with people on the outside and perhaps getting visits.
I have filed for divorce because basically I have too in order to move on.
I wouldn't say I am completely happy because I still wouldn't be surfing the net looking for prisoners families sites like yours, but it will take time to move on.
When my husband was first arrested, I had to move because people were throwing paint on my door and bricks through my window even though my husband was in prison pending his trial.
I had absolutely nothing to do with what he did yet I was treated like scum by members of the community. My husband was in prison relatively safe and I was the one taking the brunt of his crime which crippled me to the point of attempting suicide. I won't lie because that is how I felt at the time. It was traumatic and frightening but the Police didn't really give me time or day because I was the wife of someone who committed a very serious crime. I could go on and write pages and pages of my experience. I just wanted to share my story and would be interested in other lifer wife's stories and their opinions and feelings. Please keep my email and my name confidential. Thank you.