Hi there, if anything your blog gives me hope although I am in a lost situation right now. My partner was clean when I met him but started taking drugs again when I was pregnant. I left him and moved in with my parents but that didn't stop him from contacting me and asking me for money. I gave birth and did not allow him to see the baby if he was high. Certainly I never gave him access to her of a weekend, which he wanted, even for 5 minutes. No chance. When our baby was 6 months old he called me from prison and asked me to visit him. I went to see him, without our daughter, and he looked great. He was the person I first met and had put on weight, looked healthy and my feelings came flooding back.
I stayed in touch with him, wrote to him and visited on occasions with our daughter. He was released when our daughter was 18 months old and we started seeing each other again. By that time I got myself a little flat and was happy with just me and daughter. He stayed over some nights and it seemed to be working. Weeks down the line he knocked at my door around midnight and was high. I didn't let him in and he became abusive so I rang the Police. He was moved on but wasn't arrested. After that he was calling at all hours and the Police wasn't interested. Needless to say he is now back in prison and looks well and healthy again. It is such a vicious cycle and I can't do it anymore which is why I have cut all contact. I have changed my number, I don't respond to his sorry letters and I have to move on for the sake of myself and my baby. Yours faithfully, ANON